Most of my career has included co-writers. There is an old saying that says, it takes a village to raise a child and the same could be said quite often about writing a song. It is hard to maintain a healthy perspective when creating a song alone in a room. There are no checks and balances. Having someone to bounce ideas off can clarify good ideas and eliminate the bad ones quickly. Now, it is not just about having anyone in the room it's about having the right person in the room. I have written with over a hundred writers in my career and it didn't always go well. So if you have a writing partner now or you are looking for one here are a few tips on finding your co-writing soul mate!!
First, do you feel that this person TRULY respects your ideas. This can be a complex issue. You have to really pay attention to the way a person communicates there thoughts and how they respond to your ideas. Are they condescending, do they tend to think every idea they bring to the table is great, do they get their way a little too often, do they get super nit picky about publishing splits, do you do MOST of the work? All these things and more can add up to an unhealthy writing relationship. Writing should be FUN and a partner should inspire you to be better. Evaluating a relationship at the beginning and once and awhile when your in one is a good thing.
Second, try playing the field. If you are married, did you marry the first person you dated? Not to many people do end up with their high school sweetheart. Write with a bunch of people before you start to commit a lot of your time into a writing relationship. The more you get out there the more you will get a feel for what you do and don't like in a partner. Even when you find a great partner I actually believe it is healthy to write with others just to keep expanding your capabilities. I guess when it comes to writing songs I'm a swinger...
Third, my dad, who is an incredible writer and musician says, always surround yourself with people that are better than you. It's so true. This way you will have to rise to the occasion. So if you are a young writer you might want to gravitate to situations where you may even feel a bit intimidated by the people you write with at first. As you grow, the strong writers will become your peers and you then become the teacher. That is exactly what happened to me in L.A. I wrote with some heavy hitters and it was scary at first but then, over time, I found my way and gained their respect and also gained a vast knowledge of the craft.
Fourth, I know some people will find this to be cheesy and too business forward but.... try to find writers who are more connected in the industry than you. This is really important! Whether you are in L.A. or Spokane Washington you better be writing with people that can forward your career. It sounds shallow but it's not. It's good business. Unless you like living with your parents till your in your forties you better be thinking about these things! Now, this is not always the best move but for a career songwriter it is a big truth. If you are in a band or a solo artist having a steady partner that you've committed to may override this point. Us verses the world can be a powerful place to come from. These are just ideas....
Lastly, once you have honed your craft and feel confident in what you bring to the table try to find a partner who's skillsets compliment yours. It's okay if your skills overlap a bit that's a positive as well but I think it's imperative to try to find co-writers who have strengths where you have weaknesses. If your a great melody and lyric writer obviously having someone around who is a killer musician and arranger is a good thing. Maybe they are melody and chords and you are lyrics and melody. Perfect! Or if you are both melody and lyrics it doesn't hurt if you are so compatible with that person that you can complete each other's sentences. Trust me, I've actually had relationships that was that good.
I hope this gives you food for thought and helps you on your musical journey. Come back time to time because I will be expanding upon these thoughts in the near future. I think the biggest thing I hope you find in a writing partner is that when you are together you are BETTER than when you are apart. That pretty much sums it up!